Seal hunt accelerates global warming and may cause impotence, scientists say

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Unionist
Seal hunt accelerates global warming and may cause impotence, scientists say

Read on!

Unionist

Yes, unfortunately, it appears to be true. An extensive series of multi-country double-blind studies leaves little doubt of the long-term impacts of the seal hunt on the earth's climate, and its short-term impact on fertility.

Scientists say the risks are now clear and cannot be mitigated by any putative economic or cultural benefits.

These studies are so sensitive that internet providers are antsy about even reporting them. Stay tuned, and I will be providing more information.

 

Sineed

Never mind fertility, unionist; there's more immediate medical risks.  According to a longitudinal case cohort study conducted on sealers by European scientists, there's a strong correlation between swine flu and hunting seals.  You heard me right: it actually should be called, "Seal flu" because the data uncovered by these scientists suggests that seals, not pigs, were the original hosts of this potentially deadly scourge.

Tommy_Paine

 

There's wide spread reports too, that exposure to seal fats-- even through incidental skin/treated fur contact is an agonist, mimicing the action of endocannabinoids in the brain. This acts in turn as an antagonist for gamma amino butyric acid, the main inhibitory nuerotransmitter in the brain.  Such interference can lead to people being suseptible to addictions to alcohol and other substances.

Unionist

Sineed and Tommy, thank you so much for supplementing the very rudimentary information I had managed to glean from anonymous sources. Clearly, there are enormous problems, as yet largely unknown to the public, surrounding the seal hunt. What we need now is accurate and timely information. If only some government official were monitoring this discussion right now, I'm sure we would be able to get that information. Oh well, let's just wait and see.

 

Doug

newshound

Are you guys for real?

Links please.

j.m.

newshound, you might want to check the thread on the feds and their monitoring of online forums. the answer is there.

Weltschmerz

I've read somewhere that the seal hunt is having an effect on the magnetic field surrounding the planet, and that with each seal killed, magnetic north pole moves a little closer to Alaska.

newshound

This is all true, I saw it on the internet;-)

Thanks j.m.

Sineed

Tommy_Paine wrote:

There's wide spread reports too, that exposure to seal fats-- even through incidental skin/treated fur contact is an agonist, mimicing the action of endocannabinoids in the brain. This acts in turn as an antagonist for gamma amino butyric acid...

Tommy...how the frickin hell do you misspell "mimicking" but you get "endocannabinoids" and "gamma-aminobutyric acid" more or less right??

I'd add, neurologically speaking, seal fat is also an N-methyl-D-aspartate (NMDA) receptor antagonist, just like ketamine and phenycyclidine (PCP).  And like cocaine, it blocks the reuptake of dopamine at the presynaptic dopaminergic receptors throughout the central nervous system.  This is why sealers keep clubbing seals: it's not their livelihood - they're getting high.

Tommy_Paine

Tommy...how the frickin hell do you misspell "mimicking" but you get "endocannabinoids" and "gamma-aminobutyric acid" more or less right??

 

Exactly how it happened:  I actually stumbled over that word, knew it wasn't right when I wrote it.  Then, the misspelling caused a segue cascade in my mind, as it somehow resembled "mincing", which in turn reminded me of a youtube video I stumbled upon featuring a hairly legged gentleman in crinolines, and how if I was ever to be caught dead mincing in a youtube video, I'd at least be a Malia Nurmi impersonator, though I wouldn't do my eyebrows in such an exagerated way, but wondered if cinching my waist in such a manner would cause internal injuries, then for a fleeting moment thought I had forgotten to renew my Ontario Health Card, then in a split second remembered that I had, to some relief, and it all served to distract me from going back to correct "mimicing"

In other words, the usual stuff.

 

 

 

 

Unionist

Unless Canada ends the hunt NOW - our fate is sealed.

Which reminds me of the world's shortest joke:

"This seal walks into a club..."

newshound wrote:
Are you guys for real? Links, please.

You're absolutely right, newshound, source references are vital if we're not going to be accused of being wacko conspiracy theorists. The key source containing the most up-to-date information cited above is [url=http://rabble.ca/babble/babble-banter/seal-hunt-accelerates-global-warmi....

 

RevolutionPlease RevolutionPlease's picture
newshound

Must be a mistake in the link. The info is not redacted;-)

Slumberjack

You know, of all places I'd least expect this sort of pseudo-science quackery to cast dispersion on the glorious Newfoundland seal hunt, convincing in the process otherwise rigorous cynics of its fallacious credibility, I would have thought it would be here. You can't imagine my disappointment to find that the lot of you have thrown in with the oppressors of NL seafarers who risk their lives to harvest this boon to humanity in the form of renewable sources of meat protein and the finest source of omega 3 in the world.  I attribute my cognitive abilities as an adult to regular doses of this miracle protein consumed while growing up in NL, and yet you have the gall to introduce these specious studies here and expect them to be taken seriously. Oh wait..this is the banter thread isn't it. Never mind then.

Frustrated Mess Frustrated Mess's picture

Unionist, it just so happens part of the studies to which you are refering were released to Wikileaks and the increase of global warming emissions is actually directly attributable to the seal clubbers as opposed to the seal clubbees. According the reports I've read, sealers, as they are known in the local parlance, consume vast quantities of fermented starches before engaging in the act of clubbing during which they release one of the most potent green house gases, methane. This is known to the locals as "beer farts". Apparently this repeats every twenty-fours during the seal clubbing cycle which may extend, depending on various factors, for weeks.

Tommy_Paine

and yet you have the gall to introduce these specious studies here and expect them to be taken seriously.

 

Well, you can't please everyone, I guess.

But it least it has RevolutionPlease' seal of approval.

 

I know what you are thinking, and it's why I always wear body armour.

j.m.

From a political-antagonist-anthrozoologist-ethological-lamarckian evolutionary perspective, which is widely supported by top names in the fields of biology, chemistry, physics, economic theory, political science, and climate science, it is hypothesized that seals of the upper decile of seal intelligence are capable of either a) apprehending the need for widespread resistance to the hunt or b)seek to increase their population numbers for sea dominance. Also, it appears that these seals have grasped shifting climate patterns as a contentious issue due to the increased appearance of 'peaceful' humans making prolonged visits to ice sheets.

This hypothesis is supported by verification of the production of a special seal enzyme that can create a dense, unidentified substance in their cells upon the sight of sealing boats - not scientists' boats - only in seals that score in the upper decile. When this substance is subject to decomposition, it decomposes into a highly potent GHG.

The presence of more than 5 dozen organized seals that appeared to be ruminating through sonic communication for weeks on end in the presence of scientists raised suspicions of the possible development of political antagonistic behaviour with self-produced lamarckian genetic evolution. These seals were trapped and studied for this project,and compared to a random sample of seals. The random sample had insignificant production of this enzyme (5%), while 100% of the 'intelligent' trapped group produced this enzyme.

It is hypothesized that when these seals escape the hunt they pass these acquired traits to their offspring. Indeed, this was verified in a separate study of fecundicity of intelligent seals. When killed, these seals with this acquired genetic trait appear to accelarate the greenhouse effect through the release of these superGHGs. Increasingly, the seal population is acquiring this trait through the reproductive and survival capacities of intelligent seals.

These findings do not doubt that there are other possibilities of self-produced forms of resistance through genetics, or that indeed seals are developing discursive capacities to plot other forms of resistance through the problems of climate change.

What appears to be the goal of this antagonism is a catastrophic climate change process that destroys human life or leads to the reduction of human activities that cause seal mortality (ie the seal hunt). Scientists also hypothesize that intelligent seals may be able to use their conscious self-evolutionary capacities to migrate to different climate regions, or even inland provided they develop sufficient knowledge to do so.

Unionist

Breaking news

I am advised that a google search for "seal hunt impotence" (without the "" marks) yields, as its very first hit, an obscure but invaluable trove of examples of this hitherto insufficiently investigated phenomenon. Apparently, some of most infertile minds of our time have weighed in on the debate.

j.m.

Unionist wrote:

Breaking news

I am advised that a google search for "seal hunt impotence" (without the "" marks) yields, as its very first hit, an obscure but invaluable trove of examples of this hitherto insufficiently investigated phenomenon. Apparently, some of most infertile minds of our time have weighed in on the debate.

On the contrary. Concerned minds looking to find the truth  about health problems associated with the seal hunt will find a wealth of quality information by searching "seal hunt medical risks" or "seal flu" . The educated public needs to know.

Jingles

The effects of the seal hunt on the global climate can be mitigated by green technologies. For instance, lubricating the bearings of wind turbines with baby seal oil, using the pressed felt of baby seals to seal (ha ha, pardon the pun) the cracks around doors and windows of your house, increasing your Prius' mileage by coating the outside with luxurious seal pelts can save the equivalent of 4.2 billion barrels of oil, reduce our dependency on...you know..., and teach little Afghan schoolgirls how to read. 

I know what you're thinking: "Why, that's perposterous!". But you're wrong. And ignorant. It's all there in the literature. To see how my company can save you dollar$ and the environment, contact my green company's "representative" in Ottawa, Rahim Jaffer. Or he'll contact you. For money. He can be contacted at "Les Girls" on Sparks St, Ottawa, or just stop by any Conservative MP's office. Eventually you'll run into him.

newshound

Quote:
To see how my company can save you dollar$ and the environment, contact my green company's "representative" in Ottawa, Rahim Jaffer. Or he'll contact you. For money. He can be contacted at "Les Girls" on Sparks St, Ottawa, or just stop by any Conservative MP's office. Eventually you'll run into him.

 

Priceless!

KeyStone

Do you guys work for the Conservative Party of Canada?

No need to do their work for them. Let them hire the propaganda police to patrol the internet to find and eliminate dissenting opinions on the seal hunt.

Clearly, you are great patriotic Canadians to support the Canadian seal hunt.

 

Tommy_Paine

 

(big musical finish)

 

From seeeeeeeal tooooo shining seeeeeeeal

RevolutionPlease RevolutionPlease's picture

The government is falling asleep with the seal hunt.

Sven Sven's picture

This seal-hunt theory is garbage.  Everyone knows that the increase in global warming is inversely proportional to the number of pirates plying the seas.  Hence, we need more pirates.

Unionist

Plying the seals!??